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:iconfadetopain: More from FadeToPain


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Submitted on
November 8, 2010
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hello, my love
you seem to be missing something.
oh,
here it is.
in my hand,
your heart.
it's still beating,
(just a bit).
there's some blood,
gushing out your veins.
I cut you so cleanly,
with my knife,
did it even hurt?
I wanted it to,
(just a little).
that's why your stomach lays
up by your hair.
how is it, love,
being dead?
Something I whipped up while listening to the Black Veil Brides. I love them, man.
I was kind of going for a disjointed feel, because the person speaking is a little insane. Also I left most things uncapitalized to give the poem a detached feel. the person speaking does not give a damn that he or she just killed someone.


For the Written Revolution:
is it too choppy? Is it clear what is happening? Is the flow off? What's your interpretation of the poem?
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:iconanotherfirename:
anotherfirename Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
The poem is quite choppy but I personally think that it's choppy in a good way. It really adds to the disjointedness and twitching insanity of the speaker. Same could be said about the flow.
It's very clear what's happening unless I'm not interpreting it correctly. What I read is the thoughts of someone insane who just gutted their lover seemingly on a whim.
As a random note, when I think about the relationship between the poem and the preview image you chose I am somewhat creeped out. XD
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:iconfadetopain:
FadeToPain Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you. You would be correct in your assumptions.

Ah, I can see what you mean. I guess I wasn't really thinking of what the preview image would do for the poem. It was just the picture I was using at the time.
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:iconlovelylonelynight:
lovelylonelynight Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2010
i think the choppyness really adds to the poem and gives you an idea that something isnt right with the speaker even before they read your comments. overall its great!
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:iconfadetopain:
FadeToPain Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you! I appreciate the feedback!
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:iconlovelylonelynight:
lovelylonelynight Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2010
no problem :)
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